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Life: Don’t Pity Me Because I’m Single – RELOADED

How I Ended It…

“I’m genuinely enjoying where God has me right now and know that I’m not upset or frustrated, I’m just concerned that my singleness is a concern for some – but be assured that God has me! He knows what’s good for me.”

1st Corinthians 7 verse 25 – 38 The Message Version

“The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins [the unmarried], but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don’t get married. But there’s certainly no sin in getting married, whether you’re a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible.

I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don’t complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple—in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out. I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

It’s no sin; it’s not even a “step down” from celibacy [singleness], as some say... Marriage is spiritually and morally right and not inferior to singleness in any way [or superior], although as I indicated earlier, because of the times we live in, I do have pastoral reasons for encouraging singleness.”

Four Years On

In 2014 I wrote a piece about how I felt pitied by people because of my singleness (you can read it HERE) and for some time things did mellow down. Of course I still chuckled and uttered “Amen” to the prayers of “This time next year it will be your own” whenever I was asked if I was dating and so on. Then in 2016 I moved to Dubai.

Dubai has been my safe haven. I’ve been able to dodge the questions and only say Amen to prayers I pray for myself and not pity prayers from other people.

This past summer God blessed me with the chance to go home and celebrate with family and my closest friends at their weddings, birthdays and baby showers – I had prayed that these events would go well and better still that the homes of these people will be blessed. I was (and I’m still) excited for these people so much so that I had to pray that people wouldn’t make my singleness the ongoing discussion in light of my busy schedule. My focus was to love and celebrate with those I loved.

For eight weeks my singleness was all a lot of people could talk about. In those eight weeks I laughed at people for asking me questions, said the necessary “Amens” and even remained silent and developed selective hearing. I knew 💩 got real when someone tried to set me up with a guy…. Dear Jesus, each time I think about it I get angry, and OH I AM GOING TO TURN IT INTO A STORY (I’ve got the title already).

That whole incident pushed me to the edge an edge I’ve never reached before. Frustration that turned to anger. I was/am so pained by the whole experience.

The saddest part for me is that nobody believed me when I said I am good! Where I am and how I am is God’s doing and as stubborn as I can be at times, life is teaching me that if I love myself at all then sticking to God’s plans for me is ACTUALLY THE BEST THING SINCE FRESH AGEGE BREAD!

It’s no coincidence that God laid it on my heart to read one of my favourite scriptures in the early days of my vacation. I asked God “why do you want me to read this? There’s nothing going on in my life that I need this scripture for.” But God encouraged me to read it, and I did, followed by a prayer “God help me.” God was preparing me. The scripture was the same scripture mentioned in the original post I wrote of the same title (you can read the scripture above).

In my previous “Pity Singleness” post, I was nice and polite with how I asked to be left alone, four years on I’m realising that people no longer pity me, instead there’s a disregard for God’s plan for me. I get it, people care about me, which I am grateful for, but care for me also includes buying my lip balm, actually asking about me and not about who I’m talking to or not talking to or using any opportunity to bring up my age as the deciding factor as to why I need to be talking to guys. “You’ll be thirty next year.” And so? So because I’m going to be thirty next year I should submit myself to the foolishness that’s taking place?

Part of my evident annoyance is that people see me as incomplete because I’m single – NO HUSBAND HAS THE POWER TO COMPLETE ME! Let me tell you that now! By God’s grace I get married, I know that my wholeness doesn’t come from my husband and I know that my husband will know that I don’t complete him. I have Christ and I’m learning that He is enough. ONLY He completes me.

So for everyone asking when am I getting married – please don’t. Take your questions to God and leave me out of it.

To everyone asking who am I talking to – I’m talking to God about you. 👀 (If I’m talking to guy that information will be made available on a need to know basis… free me please).

Don’t ask me about when you’ll wear my Aso Ebi… real question is will you make my invite list? 🙃🤔🤫🙄

Take the plank out of your own eye before assuming that there’s a speck in mine. Literally mind your business – mind your home, mind your family, mind your work, mind your walk with Christ and in the process of all this business minding, please leave me alone on the topic of me being single.

Points From 2014 Applicable Today

  1. There is nothing wrong with being single.
  2. I know all this excitement is coming from a loving place and I understand that concern is a fitting response for some, but concern has no place in the matters surrounding my singleness.
  3. My issue is this – marriage has been portrayed as greater than singleness, when in actual fact that’s not true. True Biblical Marriage as with True Biblical Singleness are both equal in God’s eyes… both should mirror who Christ is and what His Word says…
  4. The fact that the reality of marriage is rarely spoken about is a more appropriate area for concern than my singleness.
  5. Rejoice with me when I rejoice with others on their proposals and marriages before you ask me if a guy has expressed interest in me, or if I met a guy at a wedding or about my secret boyfriend…
  6. Pray for yourself.

Things You Should Know

  • I’ve written this still very annoyed
  • Marriage is so much more than what Hollywood has sold us; the spiritual implications are so great that between God and I we both know it’s not a gift I NEED right now.
  • When God sees fit for me to marry I will.
  • If you’ve never sat down with me on a deep-personal level, you are not qualified to matchmake me with anybody! I don’t care how nice the guy is. Miss me with that 💩.
  • Rebekah was chosen by God for Issac AND STILL their home was a back to back Eastenders Christmas Special aired in the Summer. MAD!… Please read your Bibles.
  • The Bible says “THERE WILL BE TROUBLES” in marriage (it’s not a 50/50 chance thing, it’s 100% guaranteed).
  • Respect me and Respect God whenever I cross your mind… (this one is specifically for the uninformed and unqualified matchmakers)
  • I love attending and celebrating weddings (I don’t disregard marriage at all), let me celebrate in peace.

You’ll possibly be able to tell that I love writing about relationships, singleness and marriage, God has blessed me with this fascination as much as I try to fight it, but deep down I think that it has played a part in me having peace about my singleness and has made me curious to want to know what God’s word says about life.

There’s so much more I could write, but I won’t because I’ll end up giving my story away… and also honestly, I’m so over this!

I am more than my singleness and I am more than marriage – if you don’t agree, please take it to the LORD in prayer. 🙏🏾

Signed, @OlayideM

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3 Comments

  1. A fan says

    This is a fantastic piece. So many women need to read this and so many “matchmakers” need to read this. Our lives are in the hands of the Lord who is the perfect match-maker and who’s timing is precise. As you said, there WILL be troubles in marriage so let the troubles at least be with God’s chosen one. People need to get to a place whereby if God told them that it is in His wisdom and love for them to not get married – they would still be able to smile and say YES LORD. the point being that – MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE AN IDOL.

    Let us not allow culture to outweigh scripture.

    Live for God not for man.

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